عربيزي

العربيزي لغتنا الجديدة لغة اولادي المتسمرين امام النت

لغتي عندما اخاطب ابنتي على الواتس أب لان هاتفها لا يستقبل عربي

لغة الشباب الذي يتكلم كلمة عربية وعشرة انكليزية

لغة الاطفال الذين يجلسون امام التلفاز يشاهدون الكرتون نتورك ثم ينطقون بما تعلمونه

هذه هي لغتنا الجديدة وطبعا هي محكية ومكتوبة وحتى لو لم تكن مفهومة وصعبة علينا نحن الكبار فقد تعلمناها واجدناها ولكن نحاول ان نجاهدانفسنا كي لا نقع في فخها بس مع الاسف كل منا ان كان من هواة النت او الفايسبوك او الواتس اب قداستعملها وهو مكره !

العجيب ان هذه اللغة العربيزي لا يوجد كيبورد خاص بها !!!! او معجم خاص بها وليس لها قواعد

الكلمة التي تعجبك بالعربي او الاجنبي تطبعهااو تقولها

وكله ماشي ومش بس ماشي راكض

حسبي الله ونعم الوكيل

وحدي all by my self

من كل الاعمار و من الكبار خاصة  ؛ القاعة ملأى  بعضهم يستريح   على الكنبات او الكراسي الجرارة بينما الشباب والكهول يقفون امام المحاسبة ويحملون اوراق الفحوصات وبطاقات التأمين والهويات بالكاد تجد احد بمفرده ، معظمهم معه مرافق   وها هم ينتظرون دورهم لاجراء الفحوصات وصور الاشعه بعضهم يشرب الماء الصافي وبعضهم الماء  الملون ببضع نقاط من دواء التشخيص ،  تطل  الممرضة كل بضع دقائق لتنادي على المرضى باسمائهم ،   الضحكة على وجهها  يغطيها وجوم الوجوه العليلة ، الوجوه كلها شاخصة  تنتظر من ينادي عليها  ؛ وتنادي الممرضة مدام فلان  فاذا بسيدة سبعينية او اكثر تتكأ على عكازها وتنهض بصعوبة فتشير الى ابنها  كي يدخل معها فتمنعه المرضة قائلة فقط انت بنفسك ؛حاولت التوسل اليها كي تسمح له بالدخول معها ولكن الممرضة نهرتها :"لا يسمح الا للمرضى ما بعد هذا الخط ". نظرت فاذا بخط احمر عريض على الارض وبعده مباشرة باب الغرفة وعليه دائرة صفراء عليها جمجة وكمامة وتحذيرات وعلامة تعجب كبيرة  ! تتلكأ العجوز وتدخل الى قاعة التصوير خطوة الى الامام وعشرة الى الوراء ؛  تذكرت لحظتها أن اليوم  آت لأكون انا في مكانها ؛  بما سأتسلى وما سيدور بخلدي حينها ؟ لا كتاب ولا قصة ولا ولد ولا هاتف ذكي ؛   يجب أن أتهيأ ليس  لغرفة الأشعة  فحسب ؛ بل لما بعد الغرفة الى مكان كلنا سيدخله رغما عنه ولو كان صحيحا معافى ، ويا ترى من سيكون   أنيسي في وحدتي ،  تنبهت من غفلتي ؛  يجب أن أتزود  ليوم لا  ينفع فيه  مال ولا بنون اللهم سلّم  سلّم  .    

بسيمة

ادب النت net etiquette

الشبكة العنبكوتيه  هي ملتقى الجميع نحن ، اهلونا و ابناؤنا نلتقى على الفايسبوك لنتواصل اجتماعيا وعلى اللنكد ان لنتواصل مهنيا والكريغ لست اعلانيا والاي باي للشراء والبيع وهلم جرا ...... واينما كنا  نُسأل عن عنواننا الالكتروني  فهو تابع لهويتنا حتى في المدارس بات الاساتذة  يتعاطون مع تلامذتهم عبر الايميل والفايسبوك ،   كأني بالمعلمة تعرف ان تلامذتها   على اهبة الاستعداد على الفايسبوك فترسل اليهم ما عليهم من حفظ وفهم لانها لو كتبتها لهم على اللوح في الصف قد ينسونها, ونحن بات الفايسبوك بالنسبة الينا كجريدة الصباح نتابع عليه اخبار الاهل في السفر والحضر فهذا ا تزوج وتلك خُطبت وفلان توفت قريبتها . اما عن الاخبار السياسية والرياضية فلا تسل كلها تأتيك  على شكل فلاشات فنعرف آخر المستجدات عبر التويتر او الفايسبوك  ؛ سبحانه علم الانسان ما لم يعلم .

 

تُرى هل للانترنت آدابها ؟ طبعا لكل شيء  أدبه وأخلاقه ، الانترنت جماد نحن الذين كُلفنا باتباع الآداب والسنن وخلقنا ومثلنا الاعلى الرسول عليه السلام الذي كان خلقه القرآن وكذلك حين نعلق ونكتب ونصور ونرسم ونضع اعلانا او اي شيء يجب ان يكون خلقنا القرآن !

 

كان ابني قد وضع على حائطه على الفايسبوك صورة عن الثورة السورية ، بالتأكيد من اصدقائه وهي صورة متداولة وعليها تعليق ان فلانا كلبا وولد له جرو ينبح و ...وحيوانا وجحشا الخ ... تُرى الا استنكر ان ابني يضع هذا التعليق على حائطه ؟ هل يعجبني ان يتفوه ابني بهذا الكلام ؟ ماذا سيفيده؟ هل يأخذ حسنة ؟ هل اغاظ ذاك الظالم او عاون هذا المظلوم بكلماته تلك ، ألن يحاسب ابني  على كلماته ! الم يكن من الافضل ان يدعو للمظلومين ولعامة المسلمين بالفرج او النصر ؟ سيكون حسابه افضل وسيقول له الملك ولك بمثل ، وربما يُستجاب لدعائه . اخجل عندما ارى الكثير من الملتزمات وهن يرددن كلمات غير لائقة بحق الرئيس الظالم لانها وان كانت تليق بالرئيس لكنها لا تليق بهن كمسلمات . ان الرسول عليه السلام عانى ما عانى هل دعا مرة على قومه ؟ ما ارحمك يا سيدي يا رسول الله . لذا لنعلم بناتنا وابناءنا ان لا سباب ولا شتائم في الاسلام  وهذا  جميعُ ما ورد من اللعن في القرآن الكريم، ونخلُصُ من ذلك إلى ما يلي:

          إنَّ اللعن الواردَ في القرآن أغلبه من باب الإخبار أن الله لعن أو يلعن بعض خَلْقِه، وهذا من خصائص الربِّ القدير، الذي يعاقب من كفر وعاند من عباده؛ بالغضب واللعن والخلود في النار.

         إن التلاعن هو من صفات أهل النار يوم القيامة، لأنهم قد أيقنوا بخلودهم في النار، ويئسوا من رحمة الله ومغفرته. أما أهل الجنة والرضوان فاللعن والتلاعن عنهم بعيد.

          إن اللعن لم يأت في كتاب الله تعالى على وجه التشريع إلا في موضعين فقط، فلم يرشد الله تعالى عباده إلى اللعن والتلاعن، ولم يشرع لهم ذلك، ولا ذكره في سياق أخبار الأنبياء والرسل، وجاءت السنة النبوية الصحيحة بتحريم اللعن، وتعظيم أمره، وصحَّ عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ قَالَ: قِيلَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ! ادْعُ عَلَى الْمُشْرِكِينَ! قَالَ: ((إِنِّي لَمْ أُبْعَثْ لَعَّانًا، وَإِنَّمَا بُعِثْتُ رَحْمَةً.))[1] ، لأنَّ الأصل في النبيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ وكذلك في كلِّ من اتَّبع سنَّته وهداه ـ الامتناع عن اللَّعن، لأنه منافٍ للرحمة، وغرض الداعي إلى الله تعالى هو إيصال الدين الحق إلى الخلق، وهو عين الرحمة، فصار اللعن منافيًا لغرضه ودعوته. لهذا لم يكن النبيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم لعَّانًا[2]، ونفى أن يكون اللعن من صفات المؤمن؛ فقال صلى الله عليه وسلم: ((لَيْسَ الْمُؤْمِنُ بِالطَّعَّانِ، وَلَا اللَّعَّانِ، وَلَا الْفَاحِشِ، وَلَا الْبَذِيءِ.))[3]، وقال صلى الله عليه وسلم في اللعَّانين: ((لَا يَكُونُ اللَّعَّانُونَ شُفَعَاءَ، وَلَا شُهَدَاءَ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ.))[4]، وقال صلى الله عليه وسلم: ((لَا يَنْبَغِي لِصِدِّيقٍ أَنْ يَكُونَ لَعَّانًا.))[5]

لذا اخوتي واخواتي رجاء لنكف عن الكلام السيء ولو كان بحق ظالم فلندع لاهلنا ان يفرج الله عنهم وينصرهم ويهديهم ويغفر لهم وليقول الملك الموكل ولكم بمثل !

AUBMC, Kelliye hospital

Written on oct 17 2012

AUBMC , الجامعه، مستشفى الكلية ،all these words represent one thing for me illness and death ! Although  many memories come up , births ,injuries ,accidents, emergencies, operations,regular appointments,  ...but still , anxiety is the main feeling that occupies my mind whenever i come  near the auh main entrance , just at the corner of marinian center my heart thumps, i like and dislike the AUH . I like it because it is one of the best medical centers in lebanon and the middleast, i donot like it because it is a hospital , and it represents illness and death to me , to me ,  it never  represented life , even though my grand children and one of my children were born there ! But to tell the truth it represents a passage to pass away , from life to another life !

My mom and her family and my paternal grandfather always refer " donot want to die in the keliye ! ", My mom and my maternal relatives also mentioned the same idiom "we donot like to go there and die there ! "

Yesterday my visit to the keliye was to visit martammo Sameera , new innovations are taking place the entrance , the floors , the design , but the second floor joining both wards of the center and overshaping the center makes a featured land mark .. The AUH main entrance ... The emergency door to the left and hospital door to the right ..here through the emergency door  Heba was rushed in , and so did mama and jiddo abukamal , mama and Heba were unconscious but jiddo was all aware he was dying and begged to be carried home so he would die peacefully there , but the family never realised that fact , they dismissed the idea of death away from their minds !  Hope ,   Hope ! 

The eighth floor seems deadly to me , dark colors  darken the family's heart even darker , one can feel angels hovering around the floor , true sickness represents patience but here all you see is tears and red eyes , visitors look worried , this floor i hope i never visit it again , it is the cancer treatment floor , but other floors also bring death to me but they are decorated with more hope in mind the cardiac unit floor the fifth floor  where mama, kalo fuad and others passed away , the sixth floor is all colors and life but here heba was lying in the high rails bunk bed unconcious ,,,, however many kids were saved here , the seventh floor is the only floor where you here congratulations, smiles cover faces , true some worries  are present but at least it is the only floor representing life in the Keliye , babies , twins and singles cry their first Waaaa, and open their eyes for the first time in th seventh floor delivery suite , tears here are different than the tears just in the above floor , i wonder was it a voincidence that these two floors just above each other , here life begins and just one stairway  up it ends , real life goes like that ,  the keliye now has a new name AUBMC ,,, 

Even elevators were annovated , but they still bring the same old version to mind .....

The labs moved and some private clinics moved, the Keliye is now  bigger and bigger but it is still  is referred to as Jamaa hospital even though it is now AUBMC ...

All praise be to Allah for he gave us diseases and medications , true HE is the one  who cures but still we need the Keliye .

ساندي sandy

ترقبت الاخبار لاشاهد ماتعرضت له امريكا من خراب بسبب الاعصار  الذي ضربها ساندي  ولكن قبل ساندي كان الخبر عن القتلى في سوريا ثم مر خبر القتلى في ميانمار لا لسبب ولكن لانهم مسلمون ثم  جاء خبر الاعصار وصور الامواج العاتية وان هناك خمسة عشر قتيلا ورياح تجتاح الاشجار ووووو 

قد يكون بي مرض جمود  المشاعر اذ لم اتأثر بصور العاصفة كما تأثر اوباما او رومني  ولكن اوباما اظن لا يتأثر بصور اطفال سوريا الذين يذبحون يوميا اواطفال  فلسطين الذين تدهسهم دباباته وتقصفهم طائراته . اوباما لا يعرف ان اطفال العراق يعانون من تشوه خلقي جراء قنابله المشعه وهو لا يتاثر بما يجري في ميانمار او في الصين لاضطهاد المسلمين ... ساندي  لم يُذبّح الاطفال ولم يستحيي النساء .... 

ساندي  مع كل التكنولوجيا التي تعيشها الولايات المتحدة  فان ساندي اوعز اليها لتكون على اهبة الاستعداد وحالة الطوارىء  امريكا لم تفكر بل لم تجروء ان تفكر ان  تجابهه بطائراتها وغواصاتها ووووو لانهاتعلم حق اليقين انه من عند الله الواحد القهار 

هل ساندي مس من العذاب والقلق وال..... 

ام ساندي ظاهرة طبيعية كما يقول البعض ! 

هل ساندي غضب من الله على الادارة الامريكية لانهم يقهرون العباد ام لانهم يعيثون في الارض الفساد واي فساد اكبر من السماح للزواج المثليي واي فساد  اكبر من استئجار  الارحام واي فساد  اكبر من السماح بالاجهاض وقتل الاجنة واي فساداكبر من الكفر بوجود الله واي فساد اكبر من استغلال بلاد العالم و الابرياء وثرواتهم بحجة النهوض بهم ؟؟؟؟ 

لا لا افرح اذا مات الابرياء في امريكا لان نظامهم فاسد واداراتهم فاسدة وظالمة وبعضهم قد يكون  لا حول لهم ولا قوة ولكن افرح ان يصيب الله بعذاب من عنده من يجاهرون بالمعاصي ويعلنون ان المثليين لهم الحق في الحقوق والزواج كما اي زوجين كريمين ! 

افرح ان تلتهي الادارة الامريكية باعادة لملمة ما خربه الاعصار بدلا من ان تجهز طائراتها وحاملات طائراتها لترسلها لتساند الانظمة التي تعجبها وتقهر الشعوب التي لا تستجيب . 

ولا يسعني الا ان استذكر " فَأَمَّا عَادٌ فَاسْتَكْبَرُوا فِي الْأَرْضِ بِغَيْرِ الْحَقِّ وَقَالُوا مَنْ أَشَدُّ مِنَّا قُوَّةً أَوَلَمْ يَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ الَّذِي خَلَقَهُمْ هُوَ أَشَدُّ مِنْهُمْ قُوَّةً وَكَانُوا بِآيَاتِنَا يَجْحَدُونَ

فَأَرْسَلْنَا عَلَيْهِمْ رِيحًا صَرْصَرًا فِي أَيَّامٍ نَّحِسَاتٍ لِّنُذِيقَهُمْ عَذَابَ الْخِزْيِ فِي الْحَيَاةِ الدُّنْيَا وَلَعَذَابُ الْآخِرَةِ أَخْزَىٰ وَهُمْ لَا يُنصَرُونَ"

لقاء الوداع

في المطار 

ما اجمل اللقاء ....  دقائق الانتظار مغمورة بالفرح فها هنا أُم غطت التجاعيد وجهها ومعها العديد من افراد العائلة ينتظرون غيّابهم الذين غادروا  الوطن ؛ ربماالصغار الذين يجوبون ارجاء القاعة لا يعرفوا شكل عمهم او خالهم ولكن حضروا للقائه مع تاتا وجدو ؛ وهناك صبية تنتظر حبيبا (زوجا او خطيبا ... استصعب ان يكون أخاها ) ومعها باقة زهر صغيرة ؛ وعلى المقعد تجلس أُم في مقتبل العمر تحتضن رضيعا ومعها رجل كهل  قد يكون والدها او حموها فربما تنتظر زوجها ..... وجوه ضاحكة تركت همومها وقدمت الى قاعة الوصول في المطار ؛ وهكذا   دائما ، القاعة تغص بالمستقبلين وكلما اطلت مجموعه من القادمين مع امتعتهم تسمع صيحات الترحاب والمناداة ويهرع الاحباب الى اللقاء دموع ترقرق او تنهمر حسب بعد الفراق وحسب قرابة الحبيب اما هذا الشاب وقف ينتظر يجوب القاعة مجيئا وروحة ، معظم ركاب الطائرة حضروا ثم  إذ برجل ومعه زوجته  مصبوغة بالسواد  وعينين حمرواتان  ملفتتان للنظر واذا بالدموع تنهمر من جديد ؛ يهب الشاب لملاقاتها ومواساتها ربما حضرت لتحضر جنازة قريب لها او احد والديها حسبنا الله ونعم الوكيل  ؛ لقاء غير مفرح ؛ انه لقاء الوداع ؛ مااصعب البعد وصدق من قال البعد جفا ! 

كتب يوم لقاء بيان  ابنتي الصغرى وهي عائدة من الاردن في ١٧ اكتوبر ٢٠١٢ مساءٓ.

حياتنا من باب الى باب

دخلت المنزل مسرعة لاراه فقد عرفت الخبر بعد صلاة الفجر ونويت ان أزور العائلة مباشرة بعد ان يذهب  ابني الى المدرسة 

ارتديت ورتبت هندامي فللمناسبات الخاصة ثياب خاصة ؛ أوصلني زوجي لانني عرفت باني سابقى الى ما بعد العصر ؛ عندما وصلت توجهت الى غرفة النوم حيث كان مستلق  على السرير المزدوج المغطى بكوفرلي احمر مخملي ؛ الشراشف البيضاء التي لُفّ بها انعكست بياضا زائدا ووجهه يشع نورا والكل من حوله يلقي نظرات حانيه والكل يتمتم الدعوات بان ييسر الله له ؛ زوجته واخواته واولاده البنبن والبنات ؛ العيون  دامعه والعبرات مسكوبة ؛ انصدمت بهذاالمنظر لانه  عكس صورة المولود على سرير والديه  واخوته من حوله يتاملون وجهه وهو في نومه العميق  ؛ ذكرني بمنظر المولود الجديد تماما ؛  مخلوق لا حول له ولا قوة  ملفوف بشراشف بيضاء والنسوة حوله ؛  فرق كبير وقلة فرق كما يقولون؛ 

اجل لقد رحل     

و كما يرحل المولود من ضيق الرحم الى سعة الدنيا 

لقد رحل من ضيق الدنيا الى سعة الجنة باذن الله 

هذه حالنا  وحال الدنيا 

فطوبى لمن استعد لهذا اليوم  والعبرة لمن يعتبر !

هل كان جدي بخيلا

 هل كان جدي بخيلا ؟ اتذكر جدي رخمه الله فقد توفي في الخامسة والتسعين من عمره قبل ذكرى ميلادي العشرون بستة عشر يوما ... جدي كان مميزا بالنسبة لي ولافراد العائلة كان الآمر الناهي الذي لا تصير كلمته اثنين كما يقولون بالعامية .... لي معه حكايا وحكايا فقد كنا نسكن في نفس البناية ويوميا نصبّحه ونتردد مساء الى الطابق الرابع حيث كان يقيم مع زوجته الجديدة ( كنا نناديها خالتي ) التي اختارها بعد وفاة جدتي لتعيش معه ! هل كان جدي بخيلا ؟ كنت أظن ذلك وأعرف ذلك رغم ان لااحداتهمه بالبخل غيري وقد اثبت عليه التهمة حتى سنين خلت ثم ادركت الحقائق ... جدي تميز بصوته العلي ونبرته الحادة ودائما تساؤلاته واستفهاماته ! ليش تاركين الضو مضوى؟ وما في حدا بالقودة ؟ مابتفهموا كل مرة منقول طفواالضو وراكن لا حول ولا قوة الا بالله ثم يطفيء الضوء ولا احد يتجرأ ان يقول أنا وكنانحن الصغار انا والاحفاد نتعجب واذا تركناه مضيئا ؟ ماذا ستصرف اللمبه ؟ ولكن جدي كان يجاوب نفسه حرام ؛ عالفاضي ؛ ومصروف ؛ اما عن فضلات الطعام فلا تسل ؛ فلم اسمع بالحر اصبع الا عندما كنت في ضيافته ؛ اما البطاطا بالكزبرة اليابسة فقد كانت تطهيها خالتي بالبطاطا المقليه التي تبيت الى اليوم التالي فتقطعها وتسخنها ثم تضيف البهارات ؛ اما البطيخ فاذكر كيف كانت خالتي رحمها الله تغسل البذور ثم تضعهم بالمصفاة تحت اشعة الشمس ليجفوا قبل التحميص ؛ والخضار او الارز دائما تسخنه خالتي وكأنه طازة ؛ والقهوة دائما على عدد من سيشربها فقط (ما حدابيسخن قهوة وما بدنا نكب ) ، كان كلما ارادان يتناول وجبته في المريجات يبحث اين القطة حتى يبس لها اللقمة وكنا نحن الصغار لا نحب القطط ولكن دائما يطلبها ويردد ( روح بدها تاكل ) ! كان جدي يحتفظ بكل ما هو قابل للاستعمال وكان عنده غرفة وراء المنزل يضعفيها كل اغراضه التي نسميها نحن كراكيب ؛ كان يطلب من زوجته ان تغسل اكياس النايلون لاستعمالها ثانية لانها كانت نادرة و( حرام نكبها ) كذلك سطولة البلستيك التي درجت في نهاية عصره ، اما ابريق الحمام فكان من حديد التوتيا واذا ما اصابه خمشة او نكزة بسيطة يسأل جدي مين كان بالحمام ؟ اما في المريجات فجدي كان يتضايق اذا ما ( شطفناالبيت) " ولو فيكن تمسحوا تمسيح بسطل مي " وكان يلاحظ اذا نقصت مياه البركة التي كنا نغمس فيها نربيش الماء لنسحب ما نريد من الماء ونشطف بالنربيش وكنا نستغل يوم الجمعه حيث يكون في بيروت ليصلي الجمعه ويذهب الى الحلاق ويزور المقابر فيزور جدتي بسيمة رحمها الله وياخذ لها معه ما تفتح من ورود كانت تشرف بنفسها على رعايتها وسقايتها ؛ فنأخذ راحتنا ونشطف كما نحب . اما حين موسم القطاف فنقطف بعد استئذانه لانه يحب ان يبقى الثمر على امه فيقطف كل الافراد ويتذوقون الخوخة او النجاصة والعنب والتين : اما تينة جدي ذو الحبة الكبيرة فهي خاصته وكلنا كان يشتهي لو يصح له ان يقطف منها متى ما يشاء ولكن محال فجدي يوميا يتروق تحت التينة ويستفسر عن التينات واين تلك التينة التي كانت على وشك ان تنضج ؟ من قطفها؟ ولم قطفها قبل وقتها ؟ والعنب ايضا كنا لا نقطف الا بعلم جدي لانه يلزمنا السيبة ؟ سيبة قديمة من ٣ درجات لونها الازرق بهت مع الايام وثبت جدي درجاتها واعمدتها ؛ فجدي كان يهوى التنجير وكان بنفسه يصنع ( جحاش ) ليضع عليهم نصبات العريش ، كان بنفسه يشحل الورد والشجر حتى العام١٩٧٤ لانه في العام الذي تلى تنبأ انه ما في صيفيه هذه السنة بسبب الاوضاع الامنيه ولكن بسبب آخر لم يصيف جدي في العام١٩٧٥ فقد توفي في ٢٥ ايار ولم يمرض الا في اليوم نفسه رحمك الله ياجدي ابو كمال ! ترى هل كان جدي بخيلا ؟ الآن اقول لا لم يكن بخيلا لاننا الان نعرف كم كان محافظا على البيئة ولكن بطريقته الخاصة هكذا افسر تصرفاته ؛ كان لا يحب هدر الماء لاننا قد نحتاجه لسقاية النباتات اكثر من الشطف ولا هدرالطعام لانه قد عاش في الحرب فعرف قيمته او الاواني او الاكياس لان رميها هدر لمصادرها فقد تنفد ؛ كان رحيما بالحيوانات اكثر من جمعية الرفق بالحيوان، كان جدي يعتمد على نفسه في جميع اعماله يعرف انه ما حك جلدك مثل ظفرك ؛ كان لا يسمح للصغار بقطف الثمار لانهم لا يميزون الناضج من النيء ويكسرون الاغصان سهوا ؛ جدي لم يكن بخيلا كانت العيديه التي يناولنا لها جدي حرزانة لا احد يعطينا خمس ليرات جديدة في العيد الا جدي العوام يعطوننا ليرة وخالتي انعام وخالي فواد يعطوننا ليرتين وجدي خمس خضراء جديدة تطقطق ونحن نحملها بتأن وننظر الى لمعانها جدي لم يكن بخيلا جدي رحمه الله نجا من حرب المجاعة حرب سفر برلك بعد ان تنازع مع ابنه على كسرة الخبز ،فعرف قيمة الكسرة وخسر ولده الصغير كمال ! جدي عاش ويلات المجاعة والحروب فعرف قيمة كل ذرة من النعم التي لم نقدرها نحن ! الغريب والمضحك ان ابي مثل جدي في حفاظه على الاشياء والكراكيب ولكن لا ليس غريبا فالولد سر ابيه

My hijab

 Wherever i step people look , some look questioning, others admiring while still some others stare and give a double look؛ they may like it in their inner self and envy you , while they comment on what use does hijab have ? Many memories i have with my hijab ...although i didnot wear full hijab till i was in my mid twenties , however i wore headcover , i wont say it is hijab , when i was in my late teens , it was mainly a small scarf a bandanna in fact , and i used to wear pants and somehow long tops over them .. that was in the seventies where people rarely knew about islam and media didnot spark yet ,,, i wore it because my parents and husband preferred not because i wanted ,,, .. Wearing this small head piece as my mom thought , will help me in learning my religion and achieving better knowledge hence better fulfilments of prayers , fasting , etc...to my mom , who learned about islam at a late age made her push me towards praying and wearing hijab early, her mom was illiterate and didnot know islamic practices , and mama hung out with her christian friends , even celebrating their easter and attending church services for good friday ,,, so mama really enjoyed and wanted badly to learn about islam and she found a good educated mother in law ready to help ! After marriage mama wore a head scraf and learned how to pray , but still after the lebanese civil war she attended special islamic literacy lectures for adults that were held regularly in the Azhar ,, and from here she started her new life . As for me i kept putting the bandanna head cover because it was not a scarf really , and wher i was living after marriage in iowa city all people did as sun protection , mama kept reminding me in letters and on phone to wear proper decemt clothes to fix my head cover , when in the same time my husband told me to take it off if i donot want ! Till one day i go a call from international students office that if i can arrange a meeting with a professor who is interested in islam , an appointment wa set and he came to my house to visit , felt embarrased i could not answer many of his questions , he knew more than i did , sice then i felt pity for myself , this stranger wanted to learn badly about my religion , he felt i have a treasure, and i never gave it a minute to look at it and learn about it , so i set a goal to learn at least to be able to answer someone , if not for my life and sake , and since en i started to dress better and decided to learn and read books ! I managed to fix my head scarf , and i improved my way ofdressing , i used to put on some elbow length sweaters so i shifted to long sleeves , i started to wear dresses long dresses or long tops over my jeans , i started to attend lectures to study some Fiqh to learn about the five pillars of islam , i learned many truths and i learned , and noticed and felt that there is a war against islam and muslims ,,, i learned islam gave women many rights but people didnot care to give them to muslim women , i learned that in islam men and women are equally rewarded and equally punished for any deed or fault , there are no differentiation between males and females , on the contrary women were given more rights but no one cared to abide .islam was being misconcepted or mishandled and mispracticed by many muslims , thats why people ignorant about islam feel it is a faulty religion .. In fact Islam is a way of life , it is life ... I fixed my headscarf better and wore a jilbab and i felt pride in my dress code .. For the sake of this code i improved many of my behaviours , stopped backtalking, treated people as i like to be treated, obeyed my parents more willingly and more happily, cared better for my husband and children , tried to be a better person , and did my best to encourage my family to be a super islamic family because this is islam , of course i can still be better woman and i am trying my best and so is my family and my greater family , we are all working to raise better kids , who are proud to be muslims and who abide by islamic doctrines as possible as can be , helpful to others .. Hijab in fact improved my way of thinking and my way of being in a society ,, hijab was really a good step to reach out for all, and it proved that hijab is a cover for head but it is an openness of mind and relations ,, May Allah guide us to what is best for the Ummah .

Mayo

Mayo

Today was her thirty fourth birthday ...

Thirty four solar years and thirty five plus some days lunar one , 

It was the first day of  Eid al Fitr ,  ,, 7 days after my due date , a Sunday ,,,at Barbir Hospital , with some clashes heard away near Mathaf frontier line , the line dividing the city in two sections western and eastern regions , Takbeerat Al Eid were heard in my room that gave me energy to help me in my delivery ... A newborn  who will be born with  the first dawn  after Ramadan  ,,,  may be a boy , may be a girl ,, at midnight i left home for the hospital , Sadia was ready to be with Heba , i  got ready her Eid  dress, and her Eid basket , a small basket filled with sweet stuff, from Lebco supermarket in barakat building . I put on my red dress, i was embarrassed to put it on on Saturday , the daybefore, when Hajj Ali Jamal passed away, my neighbor , but it was the only one that still fits  , in the hospital were some other ladies giving births too, the nurse weighed me i was 68 kgs  ... And she called thedoctor who said will come in the morning ,,, i didnot feel any contractions when i went but the amniotic fluid burst out ,  so i hurried to hospital .there she were a girl 3 kgs just like her sister Heba , fair to dark skin , black hair ,, she was  enegetic ,,, we decided on the name MAY .. Though she was born in september . My uncle said people may call her Muy ( meaning water ) but still we kept the name but we wrote it in arabic with a long vowel sound of Alef so it was distinguished just as the baby was distinguished ,,, 

May was my first baby in Lebanon,  so she was dearlyexpected , Heba was almost four years , and still no kids in the family except for Aidas kids who were old already . Even in the building and in my grandfathers side she was the second grand kid after Heba , so my cousins also were waiting for her ,, 

I remember they served mlookiye for lunch in hospital on Eid day and some Mammool , mama and khalto came over directly around seven just when she was born ,,, and i was discharged from hospital the same day , Sunday evening because i was scared to stay overnight in this hospital far from ras Beirut with the situation not that good ! dr. Adel Aliya  was my Obstetrician , a surgeon who performed a surgery for my aunt and didnot charge much as Abed didnot start his job yet ,, 360 lebanese liras we paid which was cheap , where as Dr May Ariss an OB who was famous specially coz she wa female wanted 1000 l.l. When i visited her but didnot keep up with her ! 

Many babies were born whom i knew and were neighbors, Maha Riyad Itani was two weeks older than may , her mom Feryal was my school friend and they lived just in the next bldg with their balcony facing ours , then was Maya Chehab , also a neighbor in nearby building ,  on sept 8 or 9 i guess , and Rania Hareessa also in the same building on the third floor ,  on the same day  as Maya ..

May was an active child , she was colicky , every night from 10 till 2 pm till she was almost 40 days we had to hear her voice , abed used to carry her ,we made almonds sachets with sugar  which was customary ,  ...May Was named  by her grandma Inaam who liked the name but didnot get the chance to give it to one of her daughters so she suggested it and Malak , i liked Maybetter because it us short and new even though it was a very old fashioned name the new version was Maya .... 

I remember May , nowc, how we loved her  very much as if we didnot have any children , my neighbor Hajje kept told me that if a mom loved her kid a little more than what god allowed her she will swallow up her kids ,,, she told me this when i waschanging mays diaper and i kissed her buttocks m i wasnot aware she would notice , an elderly lady , so she gave me this note and i really keep reminding myself and my daughters of it ,,, May was smart and witty and was always carried and seen with my brothers and their friends and my cousins ,,, in the store own with my parents , we used to sit around the corner of myfathersstore wher we would put her in a box , and she would watch sunset in the see , or one of the kids would hold her and carry her around ! 

Once she was busy , then we discovered she was scooping tide detergent into the barrel of shortening which was liquidy because of the summer heat ,, we through the shortening with detergent and my father didnot throw a word he was happy with May and blamed us , mama and mefor notcovering the pil well.. saadiya has her adventures with May too , she would clean the floor and mop it then shefibds may stepping on purpose to make prints and see Saadiya get mad ...may had very sly looking eyes , whenever we read a story any story she would act it as shehears the sentences , with cinderella she mops she dances , with layla and the wolf she acts like the wolf then she is a wood cutter ,,, 

At school she was bright and good but also very daring ,  Miss Samia tells when she told her " i dont  like to see your face "  . may always wanted to be a teacher , she holds a stick and wears the scarf and high heel shoes and pretends ,,,she watches herself in the mirror in the hall.. She was always the first  in her class and we were proud of her!  

May won a computer  when she was in brevet from inmaa , she was happy and we were too ,,may after Heba passed away was completely different she grew up not as vivid as she was but still bright and special and responsible ,,, in many means she is a copy of me soecially in her worrisome manners ! She became as our first born after Hebas death .. We were always worried about her dont be late , do this do that , specially in her university years , way different she was from eman or bayn and were different too ,,, 

Now May a mom she is living the experience ,, but please forgive us if were harsh on you but it is all because we love you and we care , to you all my kids we love you a d still worry  about youall and care  sooooo, so we are harsh and strict in ways , do forgive us and keep us in your prayers and thoughts . 

Lovmom

Mira

miss you Mira, i miss your presence and your help , although you bothered some lately .......I miss  you more as you remind me of mama ! I remember the first time i met you, it was in the grocerystore, i never forget the look in your eyes , brisk but frightened , worried about the unknown , about your destiny and about your destination , where will you reside ? I remember your black worn backpack that was attached to you as if it was a baby whose mom wont let go of him . I dont like the way i got to know you , it made feel like the men in stories who pick up slaves and handle them as bundles . I looked at you , standing still while mr. saaed the dealer comented : true you are paying much but she is the best you could get , she knows arabic, and cooks well and has experience , she will do well, but never let hergo anywhere alone, a toothbrush, shampoo bottle, 2 outfits, a call home every month and thats it ... It reminded me of how to care for a machine , grease and oil it every month and it will work well . And as he turned to mira , he continued , mama will not beat you , you work as she tells you . " beat you, i never beat any body , my hand will hurt ! I murmured......Mira , i never forget how you looked at me , from top to toe , you tried to fake a smile , then we started out together , !My first impression ! You made me wonder why you dont walk straight , i didnot know that you limb , and your hands patting your tummy as if you were in pain but i didnot show my worry because you were under trial , yes people also we can try them , if you didnot match my needs i can return you for another , oh it stinks , are we talking about people or stuff ,,,,,,I remember how they greeted you at home , the kids , everyone looked checking and commenting as if you are a piece of stuff , and you also looked worrying who are all those ? Am i supposed to be their thing ? You behaved strange.y , and i have never had a maid before , i have read in books how whites and slaves went together , the upperlook from us on blacks in general and on slaves in particular , on the other hand , i remembered howthey teach us at school that no difference between a black and a white only in deeds ...We both had difficulty adjusting to get to know eachother but alhamdulillah it was just the first week , just like openning a bottle of juice , it is hard to get the cap off in order to taste the juice , but then thanks the juice tasted great ,We all laughed when you told us you were hiding your precious things in your tummy under your shirt , you had the cause to , thats why you limbed so the stuff doesnot fall and you patted your tummy all the time to make sure things are safe ... Precious things were your familypics and your small bible ? Truely precious , your familyand yourbeliefs , not money as people think !mira , you liked your nickname , but i liked your true name much more , Nirmala , meaning a flower in your language , ... Mira you made us all learn a lot from you , it made us all at home wonder how there are people so poor around the world , we thought they existed in stories and on TV .. You made us appreciate how to save a bite, a paper , a remenant fabric, a plastic bag , or an empty jar , you taught us how to make good use of our garden , plant any seed , you taught Us recycling and environmental care . We needed these lessons . We sure didnot feel with your people and the poor as we should , we are bossy mira, i guess money makes people bossy , here in our part of the globe we really are careless and greedy !nirmala, i remember this last moment i saw you exactly as the first , Your eyes were brisk but with sadness this time not with fear , but i never expected to see you crying hard just for leaving us ,i thought you would be happy to go back to your family , you were all dressed up with that black suit and holding your black purse,the red bow on your hair , your baggage was rolling infront of you and the extra baggage that we paid for , you wanted to take a small somthing from this holy magic land to your poorfamily , and you were walking uprigght straight, your precious things now are in your hand bag , the same small bible , same old family pitures , but now you have more precious things : the indian version of the quran plus a CD that has pictures of our family ... Such a difference ..... the two looks !Nirmala i wonder what look do you have in your eyes now , i know you cannot call , the money to call can spare a life there , and maybe because youdont live in khitmandou but much farther where barely anyone cares to go , but who knows we might someday ,,, may god guide you and your family 

Mugs are waiting

It was the night before teachers day,
We got all the stuff ready , of course we didnot know what to give but sure we need to give a smal souvenir present that is nice, usable , and cheap , we cannot afford to give ten teachers ten expensive presents so  we checked what we could afford around 50 dollars plus or minus , 
Tomorrow is teachers day and every year my son would take something to his teachers , he likes to give gifts . It runs in thefamily, i guess . whenever we visit we usually take something to whoever we are visiting even if there is no occasion ,in case we were stuck not knowing what to take along ,  two one liter juice bottles would do . "Giving leads to loving "' as we learned from our prohet mohammed pbuh , that gift giving is a great way to love each other , it means thinking , it does not  necessarily have to  be an expensive gift .my sister told me she got a nice gift , you can. Offer like it , that sounded fine because we really didnot know what to give . One year we gave each a hand towel and a Dove soap bar. Another year we gave a picture frame with a nice quote in it , and once we gave  a small nice flower pot and the flowers were colorful dusting washclothes . This year we needed some new ideas, the teachers expect something useful and practical from me .   That was a nicechoice ! we went to wholsale stores and chose the mugs , nice better quality than those one dollar mugs ,and then to the candy wholsale store ,we got the nescafe one cup envelopes , and a Hershey chocolate box and a Galaxy flute box , then we ordered a panadol box and May hurried to the stationary shop by the house she got red pens . 
Now all ready , in each mug we put a candy bar  of each kind, a red pen , a nescafe ,onemug size envelop , and half the panadol paper , a twelve count paper , then we  wrote for each  teacher two special rhyming lines and happy teachers day , from mjitani . At last came the wrapping , then we arranged them on the desk ready for the next day , we looked at them just like men  in a row waiting to do their chores , they have to wait one whole night on the desk before leaving ...
Still wondering about contents , well well nescafe for the teacher to be awake and up , chocolate to give her energy , panadol to ease her headache and of course the red pen to correct those nasty papers , and of course the MUG . 

In Gazzeh

It was february 1990 or 1991 or almost the end of january, the weather was snowy.. And of course life in Beqaa is  tough but it was our choice to live here ,and not to leave for good for Canada or Australia as my brother , or to England as many members of the family did , and my sister with her family too. The war in Lebanon was a series.. Some episodes  you can manage others one cannot survive them ..So we decided to give Beqaa a try.... And if things didnt work out we can leave ... It was worth to consider this decision because it isnot that costly, and we are still in our country, and near our families,  we dont have to cross borders to visit them , as a matter of fact i consider being near my family and husband's family as a good reason to stay in my country.. Besides i have my daughters that i cont want to be broought up in the States . I was living there and my eldest daughter was brought up there ,completely different ,i mean the way to raise kids there  is not as we hope for ...Our decision and we never regretted it ,my husband would teach at OMEC and the girls will go  there too , six girls ranging  in age from 11 to 1 .. They would be my chore ..here life is no fun, tough life reminded me of {the little house on the prairie}  that i used to watch when i was younger. No phones, no central heating, no electricity for  most of the time, but alhamdulillah ,a big house, empty, bare but nevertheless it has a fenced  vineyard and a gate ,thats good . The house owners left for Brazil and they need someone to stay in the house , so it doesnt get occupied from strangers , thats why they  didnt ask for  a big rent ..
We settled here in September  just before school started in 1989.. um Lameie house was special... Baba started making some wooden stuff , bookshelves and shelves for toys and he made a wooden frame for a closet and i covered it with a bed sheet { a Cannon flwer printed sheet Pink in color} and we hung in it a silk line for hangers, we managed without a fridge first because in winter food lasts and we brought our fridge from beirut later and the oven range ,Abed, my husband bought  me a new washing machine, a white westing house big top loading machine  ,that was a treat for me  so i finish laundry easier but it turned out to be trouble that washing machine needs stable electricity and it kept bugging me so i washed most of the times in the  twin tub washing machine .
We bought a heavycast iron sobiya (heater) that used wood , and we bought a  and a regular  one that uses gasoline  , the sobiya was a must there , and Abed  bought a saw and a good axe .
I brought  my sewing  machine from Beirut  and 3 or four trunks of clothing for the girls , at first we put the clothes  in Pampers diaper boxes  each of the girls  had a box .
The girls except for Bayan   attended OMEC ,Bayan  was not school age yet , tthe kids didnt like school at first,  they were nicknamed as Beyrutis ,,, .... It was an experience for us all ,my husband was in beirut when a big  snowstorm hit, and of course i didnt expect him to come to gazze , i have a car with me , a Plymouth volare an american car and he usually drives the datsun to Beirut , because it saves fuel , and we dont have to pay a lot for gas .. Dahr Albaydar was closed ,two days, three days and no sign of the road openning or the storm  ceasing . kids stayed home,  no school , even the milkman didnt make  his ususl morning route ,so my neighbor would give me the milk free of charge knowing that iconsume milk products , labneh and yougurt and   ,hence  it doesnt spoil . i kept some milk in two cooking pots in the snow covering the car  well it kept well and  i made all these labneh balls, and  jarred them in oil,  because all this milk  would not keep for long .  My daughter reminded me lately : " do you still remember ?   55 liters of milk or 11 pails
" With no signs of hope i grew desperate , i know  Abed would be worried how we are managing , i thank god that my mom was visitng us and got stuck with us , that gave  us some support in cutting wood and managing extra milk and the stories and the cuddling of the kids ...
Phones would have been  helpful but  it was out of mind to have  a phone during the war and in Beqaa.
It was Thursday ,   The sky was clear but it was white with cotton like clouds and its going  to snow as it shows, though it was sunny ,  so before it did we took some carpets out to  air them from humidity inside and to clean them from black soot that sometimes seeps through corners , i was mopping when i heard  keys tapping on the window, HIS regular tapping sound , i shouted telling the kids ija Daddy, but i didnt hear any car,  well a car can't move anyway, roads are packed by knee-high snow.... Then we heard the door knocking, it was him He came ,his face was red and nose bluish from the cold he came through Syria, my father drove him to Tripoli and there he took cabs  to Homs then to Baalbak then to Gazze , it was the  best he did  and thought of ,  Baba was in beirut without mama but now  we knew that they kept daily trials to come  to Gazze but no use , the  storm  lasted for ten or twelve days  well it doesnot  matter to me how long it lasts now ,and the schools were off for a month . February was a  no school  month this year,  Baba came  after 15 days to take  mama to Beirut .. Now i talk about the memory but back then i was in such a fuss that i couldnot talk ..

Mama

mama
This note was written on dec 9 at 7:50 am for my UFS class



mama a nice word, a lovely word,....a world of life, a word that brought life , but for me mama is a vigorous life , vigorous by all its meanings.Mama means quickness...action...all her life she had been a fast actor anything you ask for is ready in a wink , till the minute she passed away she was energetic , even her soul passed away fast now she was sitting ,then she bent , and thats it .. life as a ribbon thats has to be cut somewhere it can be cut sharp and neat or it can be ripped while cutting no matter what, the ribbon will be cut ,somehow ,someday ....
Since childhood i remember Mama sewing . I remember her sitting at her sewing machine ,or standing by the table, cutting the fabrics, the measuring tape dangling around her neck, while the scissors is always handy within reach ,a big smile on her face , and humming a song , well in fact she had 2 scissors and a zigzag one specially for anti- ripping , we enjoyed cutting with that zigzag scissors she made us shapes with it ,she folds a paper and cuts shapes when she unfolds the design many smaller designs come and she smiles as if telling us her do like that !When we moved to Rawshe the house was a big apartment compared to the other house in Sadat, here we have our own apartment ,a two bedroom apartment ,two bathrooms, living room , reception room and a long hall , that was luxury for us .Mama had her own life here , we also felt more bonded with her and dad, we have mamas rule to obey now whenever she would frown and hymmmmm a short hym means we are wrong we stop and fetch whats wrong , oh we were really sensitive or mama was great in her rules , a look is enough for us to straighten things out , she always told me that my kids dont understand eye language like we used to , maybe i wasnot skillful as she was , here in Rawshe mama had more privacy , i have never seen her before in make up , even at home but i do, i see her nice home sleeveles dresses or in nighties, i see her live , in Sadat i saw her as a daughter in law. Here in rawshe mama decided to start her life ,her own life.In the living room she wanted to put her sewing machine. She chose the most lit corner facing the balcony door ,she would sit facing the hilly green field opposite our building , { i dont want to face the wall , i want to view nice scenary and the blue sky } , i guess she knew she would be clenched to her sewing machine when she set it . On the other corner stood a square table where mama kept her sewing stuff and she used the table surface for cutting . Over the table a stack of fashion journals , an agenda ,which was an outdated diary, she jotted on it ladies' measurements and some dress styles and cuts , blue Prym pins and the sewing chalk ,and thimbles scattered on the table , the pin cushion was attached to the machime ,mama never looked for a pin or needle while she was sewing she would get another one in case she dropped or lost it by accident ,pins were pinned to her dress , we didnot hug often because of those pins on her dress, mom doesnot like kissing and hugging ,only in occasions , although she calls me azzooz or azeeza ( which means DEAR) she even didnot like us to kiss her hand .But as we grew older and after i married we used to kiss more often, in her last days we hugged more and kissed eachother even more .
Many times she hurts her hands from pins stuck in the mop while she is cleaning the floor or pins stuck in the machine, in the washing machine because she forgets to take them away from her dress . That was a big issue for Baba,[ they ruin the machine].
On the opposite wall of the living room was a big couch and on the other wall a big dresser ( dorsoire, we used to call it ) it has four panels -closets, it is for tableware but mom put in one of its closets her sewing stuff , that was the sewing room , no carpet, well a carpet wouldnot be seen anyway. { i remember the first carpet mama bought for this room a persian ajami farhan carpet for 450 l.l. That was a lot then ,and Her her own sewing earnings , mom says"a good carpet or no carpet "
Fabric , fabric , fabric .... every where big pieces, small pieces, long strips, short strips, empty thread spools, pins... this what you see in the sewing room . The handwheel on the machineg goes fast , mama installed and attachetd a small motor to the machine , she doesnot use the treadle anymore , the motor is corded to a small foot pedal , so easy ,S.I.N.G.E.R. Inscripted just above the treadle where we used to sit and play , we turn the big wheel pretending it is a real car steering wheel and we always fought who is to drive !
mama needed to sew, and she liked to sew .She hated housework and these final touches. Om suleiman , a kurdish ,lady came over regularly to do the cleaning. Mama says house work is a waste of time , spending your life dusting and cleaning .it is not a fruitful work . Cooking was no fun for mom ,too. It goes down the drain in the end . However She cooked , she never spent more than one hour preparing the best meal , she was fast, quick i dont deny it , and everyone believes so, she is energetic ,but she never spent time on garnishing dishes or decorating cakes or setting the table , we were fascinated and didnot believe that mwe had all those fancy chinaware and beautiful napkins when we invited my newlywed aunt Yeser and her husband Ammo Sameer for brunch .
We usually take the two cooking pots to the table, and the salad bowl, dishes, spoons and bag of bread , Mama scoop food for us and rice ,lunch is served.
Apples in a big bowl are swiftly peeled and sliced and here is our fruit, oranges will do as well or bananas , practical, that was mama as if we were in a boardingschool . now i excuse mama , how she could manage, we were five in a five year span i was born in 1955 and my youngest brother in 1960 .
Everyday we had new food though ,with freshly cooked rice ,after we eat mom would directly do the dishes and cleans the place and back to Sewing .
I never did housework at home , mama never asked me to, and besides we never wanted neither me nor my sister, mama , also recalls that she never did housework when she was our age .,all she wants us is to be good at school,and yalla (laheen) meaning you will be fed with housework later .
In the morning , mama would boil a big tea kettle, on the table she sets a bowl of olives black olives, a plate with cheese, a bag of bread, a stack of five teacups and 5 teaspoons, and of course a jar of sugar . we gather round the table , we crouch on the floor and mama and baba would sit on the couch , the table was barely 25 cms high from the ground , each kid will take his teacup, mama pours the tea we put sugar to tastebutnot more than 2 teaspoons , of course we all put two and we sneak a third spoon , sure she knew it , anyway before we stirr the sugar the table would be full of "Maide," what is Maide ? It is an arabic word for a small feast ,the Maide was bites of bread either with olives or with cheese we eat and sip tea by the spoon, it is too hot to be drunk directly . Mama would urge me to eat more than two or three bites , i used to sip my tea and didnt eat well !
These are mamas moments in the kitchen , and she never regretted it ...
Sewing was her life .
I remember my aunt bringing in stacks of precut toddler outfits ready to be sewn .My aunts husband has a wholesale store in downtown Beirut, bundles of cut fabrics come in the morning and leave as sets of toddler outfits all ironed and ready to be worn .
Mama quickly opens the bundles and sorts them and rearranges them on the table,these are the sleeves, here the backs, there the right front sides, thesewill have to have pockets, here are the collars and here the pants . Help me put them inorder "she would ask me " as wagons in a train , now off to the machine .First she usually grabs the sleeves, the edges are hemmed, then inside seams ,now the pockets are applied, then the shoulder seams then ...the top is ready , next the pants which are way easier with elastic waists . The machine is off ,it is time for hand work , every thread coming out from the garment is cut, she shakes it to make sure no more extra threads, some times she asks me for help in shaking and folding, i agree but how much will you pay me ?i always ask for a charge ,"how much do you want", i say i want" a franc for each" she smiles and nods " and this nodding usually goes into my head " i should have asked for more , next time Inchalah " . I always helped mom with sewing although i hated sewing but it sure brings pocket money .
then comes the crewel embroidery bag . She embroiders a small design on the pocket , in a hurry , she stitches a bunny with floppy ears and a carrot, or a circle with two triangular ears and a long tail ,six whiskers , huh, thats a mighty cat , or the circle with one triangular beak and its a chick ,at last comes ironing ,folding and slipping each set in a bag ready to be picked up in the evening ..she used to finish a dozen or two depending on the demand , and in seasons she would work till late. One lira per set is not bad , mama would say i am staying home with the kids and working .i remember sometimes when my sister was young and sick , she would sit on the floor and stretches her legs and put a pillow so she rocks my sister while the hand sewing work in her hands and my book wil be by herside to recite for me science or history lessons . This was mama a teacher, too.
mama was a great seamstress, she learned at Fuad Atwe, in Hamra when she finished her elementary school. A girl wasnot allowed to complete her education so she wouldnot penpal a boy and all these old beliefs ...so only boys would go to secondary schools well that was the rule in Ras Beirut i guess in Among muslim families.

Mama thpught shedoesnot want to waste her time in sewing toddler outfits she thought it is not creative ,it is only machine work, no creativity, no crafting so she and baba took a step forward .baba would tell his customers in the store that mama is a seamstress , they may be interested, she can also shorten pants or dresses or change a zipper , and that was the start . Most of residents in Rawshe in the late sixties were foreigners canadian, american, english, french ,austrian, from east europe were many also ... And so were mom's customers ... A mix ,mom needed my help to translate for english speakers and she did well in french . For the others specially russian, sign language mixed with englidh and arabic .
Marene, a canadian from montreal ,used to bring her dog along,a d Zendara from youguslavia , oh she had a big chien loo, . Once we were home ,Zendara brought her dog along as usual ,and when we saw the dog we all screamed and shouted scaringly, but the poor lady thought we wanted to play with the dog so she took it inside to our room and the sreaming increased and mama hurried following her telling her to retrieve , they are afraid and frightened .later She would keep the dog out if we are home .

Mama seemed contented in her new sewing , she can show off her art in sewing , any dress a lady chooses from the fashion journal can be sewn , without a pattern ! she focuses well in the style then draws the front and back for the lady telling her all the cuts in the dress ,and whether the zipper is in the back or it is a side zipper ,then she jots down measurments near the style ,of course the name goes on top . Her agenda had many names from marene to zendara to mrs. Bluff etc .. Strange names for us .
Mama found life in her new artistic work ,but we hated sewing , it took mama away, and this dzdzdzdz of the sewing wheel , the messy floor ,although we are at school but we feel and smell sewing . Mama, daily ,before we return home she sweeps the room with a fine broom,and collects all the trash ,she sorts the fabric pieces and throws the small ones then she gets a magnet to pick up all pins and thimbles then sends the dust to the dust pan then to trash .
Mama would charge 15 l.l. For a dress but she charged the maids less , 8 or 10, they work hard and left their families maybe they cannot afford ,georgette came all the way from yaroon to work at Captain Baydoon, in Beirut, and kadija came from kfarhette ",no i will not charge them the same as others" .besides , she believed that." Allah will bless this money , moreover sewing cost nothing" , to her , she has the machine" this the only investment, the only cost, i have nothing to loose even if i charged one lira for a dress it is all profit "... Very true ,
Beloved mama , she passed away and her dream that i become a seamstress for people like her but i didnot. I like to sew and i do sew for my childten and grandchildren ,i sewd everything for my kids when we were short on cash and while they were in the university . I love sewing .
It seems weird that things you didnot like about your parents,turns out you do them and you like them when you are older.
Mama sewed all my dresses but i always wanted ready made dresses when i was young ,they look beautiful in the front windows but Mama would say they are very expensive ,while the cheap ones arenot properly sewn , the dress may shrink, i may rip, low quality fabric so i never bought a ready dress till i was in the states and i really found the difference .
Mama would ask me to chose any style i want from the window or from the journal, and she buys good fabric and suitable matching designs, complimentary trims and accessories my dress is ready and i rarelygotno comments how nice mydress was .
Mama visits Antoine bookshop every season to buy latest fashion journals, she keeps still the special edition ones !
Patient mama , i was a nagger or may be just spoiled ,i realized now how pretty those dresses are , how practical mama was.
When i married she sewed everything for me and for the house from curtains to bedspreads and sheets ,bath robes , nighties and a whole array of dresses , a coat and a jacket ,and of course my wedding dress , she made it with wide inside seams incase i got a little fatter , "they usually do get fater after marriage, then i can widen it," she also suggested long sleeves so i can wear it when i return from pilgrimmage
Mama sewed all her life .. Of course she stopped sewing for people but for family she never stopped.
In her last 5 years she would buy cheap fabrics or discontinued prints and makes them prayer clothes and gives them as gifts or donations , or for the needy , it costs nothing to help others, sewing is cheap and valuable , very true .she died and a stack of sewing was on the machine .sewing was a must for girls her age back then but some people excelled, others just managed, a girl would prosper her living or she would buy precious jewelery بتستر حالها او بتتقل خلخالها .
Mama sewed all my daughters wedding dresses ,she excelled .
Now sewing is not comon any more , but i sew .
The last dress sewn by mama was a mermaid style dress for Bayan, my youngest daughter, black with knit like fabric , five days later mama passed away ,in a hurry , nothing was wrong she was sitting on the couch and ....
The funny thing is that bayan told her grandma the dress is very nice inchala you dress like it ,mama grinned and shook her head as if saying noway now but bayan continued i mean in jannah in heaven ........ That was her last sewn dress ...
May you rest in peace and may god bless your soul
I Love You