me and my girls

i had seven girls ...one is deceased and six are alive .. i tried as hard as i could to raise them as should be, i failed in some aspects and hope i got it right in others .Well god knows that i tried at least ...still i worry about jaimie the youngest son ...i tried as much as i can to be in their shoes for each problem but still we had some misunderstandings but this is llife when i was their age probably i was dumb i didnot think the way they did or probably because of the different world these days, as Imam ali puts it "our children are born for their days not ours " everyhting is different and so is the way of thinking ..but stil i believe if one would learn from others mistakes then there will be no mistakes !
. lets start with Heba
...born on dec 2 1974
she was my first born a young girl who i remember really lived all her life in -i dont know what to call - my first experience she was!!! when i had her i went to the hospital 24 hours in advance i was afraid to deliver on the way because our house was on the otherside of the city and if a train crosses i would be caught in for more than 1/2 an hour so off to the hospital and i heard the doctor tell the nurse keep her we will discharge her tomorrow ..but then i delivered her the next day , any way when i had her in the hospital her dad was in the 2 floor in the hospital too he had emergency appendicitis so we took her out of the hospital in my nightgown and we went shopping the two of us carrying his wound and it was very cold in wichita kansas then ... then the war broke out heavier in lebanon we came to visit family and on each trip she would have ear infection then i had to work so we can earn more money for our living , the money from lebanon - from abeds scholarship was not arriving becsue of war- so i had to work as a paper BOY carrier and she had to stay home by herself since Abed went with me in the car most of the time and i go on the walking route .. then i quitted after one yr and babysat for the twin Scott and Robin Schillie in iowa city they used to tease her but i tried as much as i can to manange till i stopped after 1 1/2 yrs of babysitting
.. she went to nursury school in iowa we were proud of her but still we didnot give her all she wanted becasue we didnot want to raise her to be like american kids ,she wanted parties , christmas tree , easter rabbits, valentines etc all these we tried to tell her they are not for us but u know kids still want to be like their friend this made us more sure that we dont want to stay there even if the war is in our country ..
she was bright and smart at achool always the first .. but she was sick most of the times adenoids , ear in fections ear tubes till she was eight she had purpura and then she had splenectomy .. we took her to umra during the war she was scared like other kids ... then in june 1984 in ramadan the 17th day she had this brain hemmorahge and she died 4 days later .. we were very sad but still i am happy for her becsue i am sure in shallah she is in Jannah i hope god will let us in with her ...i feel that i was harsh with her i always insisited on her not to eat fatty foods so she doesnot get fat -becasue she used to take steroids - i always wanted her to be the first in school so she will learn and work in case she didnot get married -becasue she is sick- i didnot want her to live dependent on others .. it never occured to me that she may die before me .. a mother never expects that her daughter will pass before her- Even though my dreams tell me that something will happen but i thought to me , we can only but thank Allah the all knowing- it was before Eid al fitr her clothes were ready but i told her to sew the buttons just before Eid so she will not get to put it on before Eid she was so patient she took her medications, well now that she is in heaven i thank Allah for all the patience he gave me but still i got sick after her death probably till this day Ramadan is coming soon in September this year she has been absent for 22 yrs now . how time passes by .. did I really have Heba or was it just a dream?? life is all but a dream ...
well later i will staart about May my second born insahllah